Hannah and the announced end of my chemotherapy

Last night following the Lord’s Supper, Missy and her daughter, Hannah told me they were praying for me every morning and night. Hannah had learned some of the side effects of chemo and my “hair” (the wig) confused her, she delightfully, rapidly asked me why I am not bald and why do I still have eyelashes and eyebrows and if I am bald, could she see my head? Her curiosity is a delight- it IS, Missy. Regrettably, I was too embarrassed to pop off my wig in that room near those people- I promised Hannah a peek another day and time.

Imagine! An adopted Russian orphan, rescued out of a bleak and harmful existence, now brought into a safe nurturing home, eight years old and believing God to heal me of cancer. She wrote her prayer with indelible sharpie inside our church building- God heal Mrs. B! (Yes, I am crying. These are the prayers which I think God hears and answers with intention. What a privilege to be a subject in her growing faith in such a good God.)

Today I went for my 3rd chemo drip. This was to be #3 out of a possible 4 to 6. First we saw Dr. Knight who re-examined me, asked all kinds of penetrating questions which were leading to signs or symptoms of cancer. All my answers were negative. I have gained weight. a bit! anyway, it’s a trend. Blood work including tumor markers and liver and kidney functions and blood work all remain very good to excellent. The CT scan showed satisfactory reduction of masses, etc. as well. And! He loves the hair. = ) They always told me good hair and a little lipstick will get you places- the friends, not my mother.

Put all this together and he is stopping our chemo! This one was the last. From here we move on to hormone therapy such as tamoxifin or the like to deal with any residual places of cancer. Besides avoiding the nuisances and risks of chemo this means so much. Part of which is Wayne can now deal with my little neck issue much sooner. And I can get a life back. There is a follow-up visit in two weeks for more information about that treatment plan and choices as he had just worked us in early. Some answers are still unknown; sorry you too must wait for the unfolding.

Imagine once again! We walked in for a chemo drip which is only halfway through a typical course for my diagnosis to learn that we are done! “O frabjous day- Calloo! Callay!” I’m here on the disgusting exam table in the silly XXL ugly blue tie shirt trying to be dignified when every hair (follicle) on my head is erect. Done with chemo?! Believable but fantastic from inside me. I told Beckie my news and she exclaimed joyfully that she had prayed this drip would be my last. Mandy was praying for me while golfing and asked God for a sure sign that I would be healed. She swung, hit the ball and… it was a hole in one. Barb never dreams or at least does not remember her dreams and related a vision of me at a quite old age. This was after fervent prayers that I would be healed before she dropped off to sleep. My second grade Sunday School teacher, Edna Ruth is praying for me and she means business. Dolly has told me of specific prayers for my blood counts and levels to stay healthy. Numbers have always been within normal limits or better. People I do not know, people who could not possibly know that I have cancer, people who know my family and all their churches are praying for me. All of you have a host of folks helping pray for my healing. The Session has anointed me with oil and prayed for me. Women are meeting together daily to pray for me and others who are sick. Others gathered around me and laid hands on me- well a few different groups have done that. I have only named a few, but you see that these stories are a mere sample of what has been happening, of what you’ve been doing. The outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming, and it had to come from other than myself. For me, I find trepidation at praying those mighty, expectant prayers about my healing.

See, this has been intense. From the unfolding of this reality, many personal transformations have emerged. Those events would make another page, but in the thinking which a stage 4 cancer necessarily evokes, (transformation # 1!) many things come to light. It becomes very clear that this is a place which a loving God would want one of His children to be. My illness is an Intentional event with Planned outcomes. One then becomes quite still, understanding that I should have known and behaved with such awareness all along. Scripture holds a crisp appeal, electrifying, rather! While knowing God can certainly heal me, even my bodacious self can’t defy that Will. (Trust me, I would always and even, adamantly pray healing for another person in such a state.)

But, remember, from within, it is intense. Thought and action has been called into scrutiny because I grasped the reality of dying. For a person of my heart and behaviors, this can only be a healthy outcome in my life. Sort of, like, strike me with cancer to give me health. I have likened it to the enhanced vision I had after days and nights of migraine. In the headache, my sight was struck with darting blurriness that ached and could not be used. When that sensation clears and the pain is gone, it feels as if you can see every color, every line and detail for miles. You look with new thirst and your mind drinks in what it can see, remembering it all with renewed joy in seeing. Looking at the reality of death stops one short, creates reverence, reveals sin which had been denied or not perceived, and slams one close into the Persons of God with a desperation that ought to be a habit. Looking at death clarifies one’s vision of life. Be clear, I’m not less sinful in this state of thinking, just more aware of my desperate need of the Savior. You sort of don’t have the guts to pray yourself out of such a scenario if that is what God intends.

You hope for life and health and Christmas and a better summer next year. You make resolutions of things to do with your life. You ask for God to grant it all with success and prosperity, even. This is such a sweet life, overblessed as it has been, undeserved and joyful in all of its living. I do want much more of it and hope to live it in better ways- greatly, even! And so, I am very thankful for all of you Hannahs who have done the work of healing prayer for me. You have done much to carry me through. Thank You wonderful friends and family.

Oh! by the way.  Did you get the overwhelmingly joyful news that Michael and his team were not in or near the shot down helo?  That was too terrifying between first hearing and knowing who the dead heroes are.  These are the tools and tricks of his workaday world; the relief that is is not he is flooding.  Our hearts ache mightily for the families of those gone.  Dear God- send our Lord Jesus, would you?